knife back crimson... "stab" she said

2002-10-29 | 12:18 p.m.

you can tell me all you want

tell me anything

but you tell me nothing

i can read *his eyes and voice but they shake when i touch *him- and my vision is obscured

we are adults

a boy persues me endlessly and it breaks my heart

he just wants to be with me for a little while and somehow i cannot help him

another boy pretends that he'll save me

pretended hes in love with me. he tried hard to convince me. he convinced everyone else.

he said he wanted to get away.

he knew me better than most had ever

but it was also vice versa and i knew he was a liar

and he only spoke to me when he needed me and never vice versa

and so vice versa tore our fauxship apart

right. and so it goes.

but *he doesnt tell me he'll save me or take me away or any knight in armor stories

*he and i are adults that enjoy eachothers company

i lay in *his bed and *he stares at me and smiles and touches my face and my hair and sighs

and i do nothing but accept it

allow it

i just stare at the ceiling/walls/whatever else

and i talk to myself in my head. and when i turn my head to look at *him *he's already smiling at me

cos *hes a friend

and *he likes me (or so i think *he does) like i knew (or thought i knew) he would so long ago

and i exhales so sharply my breath leaves me altogether and i collapse in *his bed and i dont think *he sees

and i assume

[too much]