willed and triste
2008-11-21 | 11:04 p.m.
its one of those days where i wonder if i am even alive.
such strange feelings. excitement and nervousness.
i dont know where to go or where i belong.... i spent a day being best friends with one boy
fell in love with another
and spent the night in the arms of yet one more. still none of which was that boy i should
whom i have not seen for more than a few hours in past few days.
and i avoid him like a plague
because he is everything i am not
and he doesn't know a damn thing about me
there he sits just blank as fuck
staring at me not knowing what to do or say
with unriveled awkwardness he turns off the tv i had on for the sake of background noise
and rotates his stare between me and nothing, probably feeling the same about both
his loud, clumsy breathes makes me want to die i feel sick about it and literal waves of pain are assailing me
beginning in my gut and radiating i feel dread
but relief.
fear and comfort.
utter confusion.
with the slightest tinge of contentment. am i a bad person? i wonder.
who to ask?
is it relative?
does it matter?
am i dreaming?
and every day feels like its my last. i write will after will in my head
willing away my possessions
like i've willed away my heart
to so many
that no one person can be totally happy. and especially not me.
work on your management skills
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