out of the darkness and into the fire

2010-01-09 | 3:50 a.m.

it must have been a decade...
i watched with such vigilance as all that blessed oxygen poured into those lungs. i measured the beating of a heart welcoming them in. they rushed in elation to be part of his blood- to warm features, body and hands. carbon dioxide, in turn, reluctantly ejected into the room. clinging onto corners of a pouted mouth... trying to stay close, i imagined. i saw all the lines and soft stubble, wanting to set them against my lips.
it is a strange thing... to see my heart held up against this fire.
i can see all its frailty
warming itself
against the pyre.
i reached out my life
and he gently received me
as a friend, as a moth- drawn to his flame.
touching my ear, he fell asleep again.
and i was coursing in those veins.
with no end to the night
that soon ended-
my body is now cold as ice.
the things i was building,
froze and broke with his eyes.
i am not so bold when he is speaking and under his gaze i question my words. i am cautious and frightened as a dead thing next to verdure.

i never hear the bad things. if he says no it would fall on deaf ears.
i will layer my jackets- to face the harsh winter air, not my fears.