deaf dumb and dumb

2011-10-03 | 1:59 a.m.

I'm in a nursing home, next to my great grandmother. I'm here because I'm waiting for her to die. Tonight is supose to be the night and I decided to stay with her.
My uncle is here and he won't leave.
He talks for hours, fluctuates emotionally, cries and quivers with frustration.
This moment in time, I wish my uncle would leave. I wish he would home and eat or sleep.
I wish he would let me be alone with her for at least a little while. But he hasn't left for several hours. Not for food, sleep or even the bathroom. He has ate or drank nothing.
The lady in the next bed is folding her hands like a prayer, pleading with me in Farsi- for what, I haven't a clue. I give her a sip of water. I give her her doll. She watches me, stares.
I can see my grandmothers pulse in her neck.
Her thin skin leaps rapidly with each faultering beat. Head lolling, eyes fixed far away. Not hungry, not hurting.
My uncle continuously assures me that this is the scene of departure.
continues continues continues
Am I ready to watch her choke?
To watch her teary eyes plead to me for one second before they turn out forever?
Should I witness such a flight alone?
Alone?
Alone?
Alone?
Alone

Alone

Alone...

then
why
do i feel so

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