[sic]

2009-12-06 | 2:53 a.m.

how do i explain
that my body is shaking?...
that doesn't sound complete.
my nose is running.
a child, a child.
my eyes are burning.
i think
ohh
i think
i am about to throw up.
i want to tell you oh i wish
i wish i could i want to i soo... i am soo... i want to tell you
but i just cant find the words.
<
>
i cut off all my hair.
and all of my hard. hardest.
work. oh god, is it gone?
i have waited for months
weeks. all day, to cry.
and now i feel the first warm salty
thing. on the tip of my lip.
you HAVE. to know.
SOMEONE. HAS. to know.
that if i give in to this
i will taint EVERYTHING.
because i am a ruiner,
inter alia.
I am don't you know what i am?
I AM Virus.
nomen est omen.
HIS and HERS and MINE- et al. et al.
THE void and the blackness i am A
savage a sadist a fiend ETC ETC. gripping fingers with fingers through alleys and pavements in rain and in hell i AM
a blackhole.
and i will close
in on me.
i will lose it.
and i can feel my every cell

pull me in.

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