and then he said... to me

2009-12-12 | 3:42 a.m.

with his beard in my face-i feel like a child-grasping corners of his mouth
cheeks, eyebrows...-i smooth out his hair-and we wisper-then we laugh-
is it because he makes me feel less alone?
is that enough?
i wonder.
and wonder, and wonder.
what is enough?
so as i drive home i feel as if i am a virgin
for the first time in 7 or so years.
i feel curious, naive, and nervous
unsure of what i am missing
that others are not.
i have forgotten what it feels like
to lay down with purpose-
to be in love, loved, make love...
i forgot what it feels like to believe in someone enough that your eyes speak.
i wonder
what it would be like
to open myself up
in tiny incriments of infinity
and
gather a moment like i'm starved-
to invest it and imprint it upon all other moments in my life.
beyond whishing its immortality,
i'd make it forever by sheer volume
and weight of love.
i dont remember
breath on my neck, my arms, my breast.
to lay down, or be layed down.
i dont know it.
foreign to me
is reaching into someone who is inexplicably reaching into me.
i wonder.
wonder, and wonder.
and that all i ever do.
since i feel the light of youth has passed me prematurely,
leaving an echoing wisper in my ear
that says no one, no one. will ever fall in love with you again.
and i know one must
fall in love
or forget it exists.

because a taste or bite
will not suffice
but tear you up inside

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