resonate
2007-03-27 | 1:44 a.m.
i do not like the way this feels.
he paws at my knee, not knowing if he should be sorry for something or angry about something or loving.
i just stare at the rain; it's thick like smoke. choking me through the vents in my car.
i don't like this. and so, i think. this is forever. a life time of him coming home late, always smashing the bread from the grocery store, and telling me what to do.
now he's glancing at me sideways and tracing figure eights into my leg with his finger nail.
i can feel the dirt and grime in his nail. they all need to be cut.
it leaves a sickly snail-like trail that somehow goes under my skin and slowly fades where he begins, until his eight connects again. i want to have armor over my whole body. i want to have maximum security covering my skin. i want stare-proof eyes and a force field.
will marriage be nothing more than a long and silent cry?
pleasuring in the chains of sex. revealing in both its joy and forcefulness. sharing 1/3 of our lives, keeping 1/3 to ourselves, and pretending like the other 1/3 isnt hapening? in my mind, i fit my knees right under my chin.
i don't think i want to move them.
in reality, its going to be a long drive.
work on your management skills
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